Thoughts when I'm having period cramps

me: Oh ow. Ok. Alright let's just find the midol.
20 minutes later: Hmm that doesn't... feel... right.
another 15 minutes later: Oh God, am I dying?
10 more minutes: Ok these definitely are not period cramps, I am dying right now.
15 more minutes: Am I in labor?
*watches an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant*
me: Well fuck I guess I'm having a baby.
*sobs for 20 minutes for no reason*
*Scrolls through tumblr, sees a semi-funny post and laughs for 100 years*
hours later after eating several chocolate bars, a bag of doritos, three lean cuisine pizzas and half a box of Cocoa Puffs...
me: I may be wrong but, I think... I think that I may be going to start my period soon...